Tell Me A Funny Joke and I’ll Laugh At You

What do you expect a purple-blooded space alien to do? After all, you began the act of aggression throwing a humorous verbal construct in my general direction. Yes, that’s what your jokes are: aggression! You earthlings just don’t see reality clearly; a persistent feature that sometimes makes you endearing, but usually wrong.

You see, it takes a space alien to know what you earthlings should. You think jokes and humor are fun, frothy things. And that’s what Walters first thought when he called me into existence. He wanted to make people laugh and ease their cares. But little did he know what he was getting into.

Things such as a funny jokes video or a funny comic strip are pawns in service of you earthling’s hierarchical obsessions. In order to have more power than the other guy, you need to take him down a peg. If you laugh at him, you get the upper hand and more power. Jokes are the preferred devastating weapons of social engagement.

Some of you earthlings may accuse me of the same thing. You say that I, Zeno, spend most of my time mocking earthlings, that I must use the power of humor to establish the hierarchy between you and me. Nothing can be further from the truth, for I am a totally humorless being in a funny comic strip. I merely point out the wide—scratch that—the astronomical gulf between your marginal existence and my transcendent radiance.

OK, here is an example:

The boss asked his assistant, “Do you believe in life after death?”
“Yes,” said the assistant.
“Just checking,” replied the boss. “You see, after you left early yesterday to attend your grandma’s funeral, she came here to visit you.” 

In other words, the boss is saying, “Don’t mess with the power structure (i.e. hierarchy). I am the boss around here and you will not deceive me.” Carefree and frothy, eh Walters? Here’s another demonstration of social power disguised as a funny joke:

An employee walked into the boss’s office.
“I hope you can give me a raise,” he said. “I just got married and now need more money.”
The boss thought for a moment. [Contemplation just before a punch line is given seems to be a trend in earthling humor.]
Then the boss replied, “Sorry, we can’t be responsible for accidents outside the office.”

Ouch! The wife wasn’t even there and she gets thrown down the hierarchical ladder. Contempt is so good for a marriage…

So go ahead: tell me a funny joke. I dare you. Now that you know some of the underlying ugliness in humor, when you laugh again, it’s gonna hurt a little. Consider that my gift to you!

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